Come grow old with me. The best is yet to be.William Wordsworth
Today when I told hubby dearest that we complete 14 years of being married tomorrow, he immediately was comparing the time with 14 years of life imprisonment and the 14 years of exile that lord Rama went to. I know quite scary comparisons. But marriage is not easy. It is full of struggles and living up to each other. And I undoubtedly agree that in our case, he has had bigger hardships 😉
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.Leo Tolstoy
But now as I look back on these years and I see us today, I find us in a sweet soft spot. It is the wonderful calm water. There have been turbulent seas. There were ups and downs. There were storms too! But there is a beautiful calm and peace now. I am a better person and a lot of it I owe to him. To his patience and unconditional love all along.
Today we are both are blessed with a lovely daughter and along with a cute little doggie, our family is complete in every which way. There isn’t anything more I seek. I have found the perfect husband in him…. just when I stopped seeking perfection. We are together in our parenting journey and that is the most beautiful thing to me right now.
Marriage is a transformation. It transforms two people. It can be a beautiful companionship but you have to give each other time as well as space. Love to bring happiness must be unconditional. When you have conditions, it really is not love. I guess it had be a trade. Though unconditional love is not easy.
Today after so many years my advice to people in love, about to get married is that…. do not step into marriage with a billion expectations. I know it happens like that when you are young, you have dreams. But marriages are not made of dreams, they are made by efforts. Marriages are about giving, and in the giving you receive. If you will have high expectations you are only going to get disappointements. I have been there and done that!
Cherish what you have and cherish the differences, and also respect the difference. It is the differences that make a marriage beautiful and it is this accepting of differences where the test of your love lies. Drop that image of a perfect partner or a perfect marriage that you may have. Eventually it is up to you to make perfect out of what you have.
Another thing I learned along the way is that start with loving yourself, feel complete within you. Someone else cannot complete you. You have to love yourself first for others to love you too. You cannot pour from an empty pot. And don’t wait for someone to fill up your pot. Relationships based out of expectations cannot bring happiness.
I know all this is easier said than done. But this is exactly the advice that I would I have given my younger self. Hope this makes your journey smoother and beautiful!
Fight less, cuddle more. Demand less, serve more. Text less, talk more. Criticize less, compliment more. Stress less, laugh more. worry less, pray more. With each new day, find new ways to love each other even more.Dave Willis